The trouble with the space between…
The Space Between is an elusive place, and somewhere I’ve often struggled to find. When the vision came to life and I was able to put a name to it, in my head I thought it should be easier to find the space between, and while I’m more aware of my pattern of binary thinking, the space between can still be a challenge to see. Here’s a few things I’ve noticed lately about the challenge of finding the space between…
I was absolutely thrilled to launch The Space Between last week, and my expectations were low. When I had a flurry of people join me in the hours and days after go-live I was delighted (literally happy dancing with each new sign up), so what on earth was going on when I had to talk myself out of closing it just a few days later? I have learned to get really curious about strange feelings and I dug into what was going on; what I uncovered was a lot of imposter syndrome talking - the voice that keeps us small, shakes our confidence, tells us nobody wants what we have to offer… I have learned that when imposter syndrome shows up, first I need to listen to my intuition; what does my gut tell me here - is fear getting in the way or is there something I have missed? Next, what does the evidence say - how can I look for hard evidence or facts that support or deny the idea I have attached myself to.
In this case, I recognised a long held “protective” pattern; if I don’t put myself out there then I won’t be disappointed, and I was able to allow myself a little compassion for the fear of really being seen. Then I looked for the evidence and saw 2 things; firstly my founding members, those who were throwing themselves in to a place of trust in me and what I was offering, and secondly, my holding back in talking about the membership on social media or even in emails to those on the list.
And I guess this has taken me to The Space Between. What my unconscious wanted to do was stick to either have a place of “this is amazing and look at the hundreds of people who have showed up” or “see, nobody wanted this, it’s a total failure” - the space in between feels uncertain and uncomfortable and my unconscious brain (much like yours) is searching for certainty, even if that means failure or staying small.
Success or failure?
Hundreds of members or none?
Put myself out there or stay small?
Because I can now recognise this place and I am learning to sit in the discomfort, I want to be able to do the same for you. When I look back at my life, especially since becoming a Mum, I see that a lot of my energy was directed (unconsciously) at creating control, order and certainty, ironically 3 things it’s almost impossible to create in life especially as a new Mum.
Uncertainty feels uncomfortable, disconcerting and unsettling and it’s deeply tempting to avoid or run away from it. But I’m learning that the answer isn’t to avoid it, it’s to sit a little longer in it and ask what we’re being invited to notice. “What else might be true here?”
For me, somewhere between ‘this is going to work’ and ‘this is a complete failure’ is a quieter truth, and that’s “I don’t know yet”.
I’m learning that this isn’t a problem to solve, it’s finding The Space Between.
